Diplomatic AF
The social strategy game for people with no friends.
Tired of your ‘allies’ having ‘actual lives’ and ‘responsibilities’? Play Diplomacy with AI that's as terminally online as you are.
So, Your Social Circle is More of a Dot?
Really lean into the desolation of trying to organize human players.
Herding Cats
Remember trying to coordinate 7 people for a game? It’s like herding cats. If the cats all had conflicting brunch plans and ‘forgot’ to RSVP.
Reliably Absent Friends
Flaky friends? More like ‘reliably absent’ friends. Alliances betrayed by someone ‘having a date’? The audacity! Our AI would never choose romance over ruthless expansion.
Code is King
Ever wished your allies were just... lines of code? Predictable, emotionless, and incapable of judging your questionable life choices? Welcome home.
Introducing “Diplomatic AF”
Your Glorious Echo Chamber of Conquest.
Welcome to Diplomatic AF, where the AI is always online, always remembers your birthday (it doesn’t, but it *would* if it meant gaining a tactical advantage), and will *never* ask to ‘borrow’ $20.
Forge alliances with algorithms, break treaties with bots, and conquer Europe without ever having to put on pants or pretend you care about someone’s weekend.
Our AI players are as cunning as your ex, as devious as that coworker who steals your good pens, and as emotionally available as a rock. In short: perfect.
Why Bots? Because Your Group Chat is a Ghost Town.
Sell the dream of a friend-free gaming utopia.
24/7 Availability
Our AI doesn't have ‘other plans.’ Its only plan is to CRUSH YOU. Or be crushed. At 3am. On a Tuesday. Whatever works for your magnificently empty schedule.
No More Scheduling Nightmares
The only ‘coordination’ needed is you deciding which virtual nation to betray first. Your timeline, your rules, your glorious, uninterrupted power trip.
Consistent (Lack of) Drama
Tired of human error? Emotional outbursts? People who ‘don't understand the meta'? Our AI is a paragon of cold, calculating competence. And it will *never* accuse you of ‘being mean'.
Perfect Your Schemes in Silence
Hone your backstabbing skills without the annoying soundtrack of human chatter. The only voice you'll hear is the one in your head whispering, ‘More. More power.’
Choose Your Digital Frenemy
‘The Silent Judge’ (it knows your every flaw, probably wears a fedora ironically), ‘The Chaos Goblin’ (just wants to watch the world burn, possibly a 4chan user), or ‘The Passive-Aggressive Powerhouse’ (it *will* remember that slight from 1902, like a vengeful grandma).
Be the Puppet Master
(Because Real People Have Too Many Strings Attached)
Never played Diplomacy? It's like that group project where you did all the work, but this time you get to explicitly betray everyone and take all the credit. Cathartic, isn't it?
Negotiate with pure logic (the AI's, not yours, obviously). Form secret pacts that are *actually* secret because the AI can't gossip. Then, unleash hell. It's cheaper than therapy.
Join the Legion of the Lonely
(But Soon-to-Be Victorious)
“My therapist told me to ‘find a hobby.’ I found global domination. Thanks, Diplomatic AF!”
- A. Recluse, Esq.
“I used to spend weekends wondering why no one called. Now I spend them meticulously planning the downfall of AI-controlled Italy. Upgrade.”
- Emperor of My Living Room
“This game has everything: strategy, betrayal, and absolutely zero requirement to share my pizza.”
- Definitely Not Sharing
Ready to Officially Resign From Society?
Choose Your Level of Detachment.
Socially Awkward
For those who want to try before committing to isolation.
Free
- ✓ Dumbed Down AI (no smarter than people you are sometimes forced to interact with)
- ✓ 1 Concurrent Game
- ✓ Basic Map Access
- ✓ Limited Solitude Experience
Hermit In Training
For those just dipping their toes into glorious isolation.
$9/mo
- ✓ Basic AI Opponents
- ✓ Up to 2 Concurrent Games
- ✓ Standard Map Access
- ✓ Hours of Uninterrupted Solitude
Socially Distanced Sovereign
Commit to your anti-social empire.
$79/yr
- ✓ Advanced AI Opponents
- ✓ Unlimited Concurrent Games
- ✓ All Map Access + Expansions
- ✓ Priority AI Taunt Customization
- ✓ Eternal Bragging Rights (to yourself)
Supreme Leader of Me, Myself, and AI
For when you've truly accepted there's no one else.
$119/year
- ✓ God-Tier AI Opponents
- ✓ Post-game analysis
- ✓ All Current & Future Content
- ✓ Name a Bot After Your Cat
- ✓ Exclusive 'I Have No Life' Badge
- ✓ The Undying Envy of... No One
Less than the cost of feigning interest at another tedious social gathering.
What's included? Hours of gameplay where no one will ask you 'how your day was'.
Your Destiny Awaits.
(And It Doesn't Involve Small Talk.)
Embrace Your Inner TyrantCancel anytime. Though, where else will you find such agreeable digital subjects?
Frequently Asked Questions
(By Those Who Prefer AI Company)